You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
