everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
