Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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