whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
