it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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