The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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