if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
