I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
