Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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