i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
