I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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