her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
