My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if only i could text you this smell
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
