a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
