Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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