i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
