Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
