i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
