Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
