At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
