Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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