It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
