I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
