I bet he comes in French.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
