How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
