i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
