I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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