In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
