I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
