I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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