Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
