I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dignity is for republicans.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
