Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
