i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
