Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
