I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
