He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
