I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
