that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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