thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
