He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
