Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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