The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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