Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
