I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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