Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
