god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
