I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
