My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
