Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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