There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
